Things not Finished

It has been a few weeks since I have left any posts. Just as life begins and the flowers bloom in the spring; life must come to an end and the blooms fade. Mom's health took a turn for the worse mid August and she continued to decline until she went to Jesus' arms at the end of September.

During that time the garden was neglected, crochet and knitting projects sat idle and most of the things I did to pass the time waited. I volunteered to test knit a shawl for a designer and jumped right into with all the intentions of wrapping the finished project around mom's shoulders before she was gone. Sadly it was not done when she passed but I was able to complete it and put it away to use on cold wintry nights.

Mom loved working on plastic canvas projects and she left totes full of yarn and it now sits in my dining room. I plan to make a couple of scrappy afghans as memories for my brother and me and give the rest to a couple of people who will put it to good use. I can't wait to sit down and crochet about 100 hexagons that will need to be sewn together!

Some people have commented about how I have handled this situation and they think I am not hurting enough or trying to hide what I am feeling. It hit me yesterday that even though I cry for losing my mom (both of my parents are gone now) we have spent the last 6 years mourning and grieving for her. We have on more than one occasion we have thought we were losing her and said our last good byes. We sat through days of testing for a kidney transplant only to get the letter and have to say to her she was not eligible for one. We sat and waited while a heart cath was being done only to hear that there are blockages but they can't do anything because of her health. Yes, I have cried and do continue to even though they might not be tears shed in front of others. I was able to have an honest conversation with my mom before she was gone and we knew that we were in a great place. No regrets, no I wish I could haves, no if I onlys, and the best part is no things left unfinished.